The Parallel Universe Of Enoob High
by Enoobwriter
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the Boone Band would be like in a parallel universe? Well wonder no more...
1. Prologue Disclaimer

**The Parallel Universe of the Enoob High Band**

Have you ever wondered what the Boone Band would be like in a parallel universe? Well wonder no more...

**Disclaimer:**

All happenings of this story may or may not have happened. (Chances are, they didn't.) The thoughts, actions, and characteristics of the characters may or may not be fictional. Either way, all names have been modified for everyone's safety (especially mine, hehe.) One last note: **All character's actions, thoughts and behaviors do not reflect my opinions and thoughts for the real people the characters portray!**

**Prologue**

Step through a whirling portal, of flashing lights (Yes! Like the one on Stargate!) Suddenly, you are sucked inside the vortex if it were a black hole. You suspiciously start to wonder if this is another one of those rather nerdy Star Trek episodes. Alas! You finally land on what seems like a high school campus.

"Hmmm, kinda looks familiar," you wonder, "what the.. is that band room?"

But it couldn't be! The habitual, triangle topped, orange and white building was black and blue! (There is a rather logical explanation for the choosing of those colors.) The usual bike racks, the accustomed, squeakish double-doors, the parking lot, everything was the same except the colors! The people… were they different also? Before you could find anyone that could extinguish you curiosities, smoke surrounds you. Without warning you fall into a deep coma I MEAN… slumber.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The Average Joe(anna)**

"Which way is Mekkah?" A long bearded fellow ask his wife.

"Oh for Christ's sake, shave that nasty beard!"

He stops and raises his thick eyebrow, "Shut up, woman! It's Allah from now on! And where is you hood?" The man, now annoyed at his disobedient wife, goes back to his read of Converting to Islam.

With a heavy sigh, the woman goes back to her routine.

"Joanna! Wake up you're gonna be late for school!"

An average looking girl deliberately walks down the stairs. She was struggling with the knots on her hair.

"Oh my God Joanna! How can you manage to get your hair tangled even if it's that short?"

Joanna shrugs, and drags herself to the car.

"You forgot your tuba!" Her annoying brother calls from afar.

The next thing Joanna sees is the familiar, black and blue band room. It was an okay place for her; she wasn't obsessed like some of the people she knew. One of her friends, Stella, comes up her.

"Yo, Jo, wut up dawg? Did you check HIM out?" She points the new foreign exchange student from Ireland. Like Prince Charming, he was tall, had expensively shampooed blonde hair, and a gorgeous baby boy face. 'Twas love at first sight.

"Yo Joanna, are you catching my drift?"

"Oh sorry Stel what were you saying?" Joanna said, wiping her drool.

"Ain't he a sizzling platter of Irish bacon? Man he's buttas! My kind of man!"

"He's okay I guess," Joanna tried to look uninterested.

"Man, if only I could swap to a flute… "

"He plays flute?"

"Piccolo actually, but I hear he also plays flute, clarinet and violin."

Joanna and Stella watched amorously as the new guy unpacked his belongings. Joanna couldn't take her eyes of him. His gallivant eyes, his well defined body. She decided she would die for him if necessary. Stella whipped Joanna with her long, mermaid like hair, "Yo pimp, wake up!"

**End of Chapter 1**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Meet the Zapper**

"Everyone, sit down. Don't worry about your instruments now." The new band director said. Everyone thought he was really nice by his tone of voice. Ha, first impressions can be deceiving.

"As you may have known, I have replaced your old band director, after that terribly unfortunate accident."

"He was murdered!" Someone called out.

The new band director squirmed as if he were trying to locate the murder himself.

"Yes, as I said that is very unfortunate." He picked up a large case of the size of a trumpet. The enormous lock on it sent nostalgic feelings around the whole class.

"What are you staring at? Go get your instruments!" The sudden niceness of the new band director now gone, he abruptly opened his case.

After everyone had their instruments, Mr. Horner continued his speech:

"Allow me to introduce myself and my most fond friend," He pointed at what resembled a baton… on steroids. It looked quite intricate; it was metallic and wires protruded it. Joanna and the others wondered how Mr. Horner could even lift it up; it was practically the width of his arm.

"I am Mr. Horner," he lifted the mutated baton so everyone could see it, "and this is my personal assistant, The Zapper."

Silence…

"Oh the Zapper. This is going to make you the best musician there is! It will serve you discipline and set every one of your pitiful souls in place." He pointed to the class as if accusing them.

"The dude is whack," the kid next to Joanna whispered to her.

"I heard that!" Suddenly, with only a quick wrist movement, Mr. Horner pointed the Zapper to Shrubs, the other tuba player. The tip of the Zapper quick started glowing blue.

"Mr. Horner?" It was Mr. Carson, the assistant band director. Mr. Horner turned sharply to Mr. Carson, like a robot. Shrubs let out a deep relieved sigh. Saved by Carson.

"Why, it is my second most trusted assistant." Placing his firm hand on Mr. Carson's shoulder, he continued, "well, barf it out, I'm waiting."

"Yes, well I just wanted to give you the music for the band." A slightly shy and docile voice replied from the average built man.

After the excruciating fifty minutes of painful shocks and some rather foul comments, everyone was glad band was over. Joanna met Stella along with her other friend Karla. Karla and Stella were both about the same height; they both were a good six inches taller than Joanna.

"What up dawg? You dig the new director?" Stella asked in curiosity. Both Karla and Stella played snares in the drumline, so their director was Mr. Carson.

"Yes, we are oh so dying to know." Karla added. Then, stepping closer into our circle she whispered, "The stars are misaligned! Everything has become very different. We must meet after school at the Deafening Shrine of the Center and consult the cards. Something is definitely wrong."

Karla was famed for being able to foretell the future with her deck of Barbie cards. So naturally, we agreed, even though she insisted on holding card sessions at rather weird places.

"Yea sistas, something's down! But anyways, tell us if the new director's a playa or a playa hata."

"Oh he's an evil one alright. His name is Mr. Horner and, oh my gosh, I hate him!"

"Wow, is he really that bad?" Karla asked.

"Let just say, he humiliated Mike to the point of tears." Joanna replied. She pointed to Mike, perhaps the buffest and largest senior they ever seen.

"Woah! Steel nerves Mike? Man, this dude is bad! And not bad good, bad bad!"

They're thoughts were interrupted when suddenly, Mr. Horner passes by.

"Hey girls, how's it going?" He waves at them and hurriedly goes on.

"Oh yea he's an evil one alright." Karla states as they wave each other good bye. Confused, Joanna thought if her day could get any weirder. Her thoughts vanquished as she saw her Irish Prince tying his shoe laces. Their eyes meet and he smiles at her. Suddenly, the exchange student starts walking towards her! Joanna panics with every inch he edges closer to her. 'This is it' she thinks to herself, 'don't mess this up.'

**End Chapter 2**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: It Only Gets Weirder From Here**

"Hey you, girl," Vladimir calls out to Joanna, "you've seen Shrubs?" He had a rather sexy accent.

"Ahh psst, duuah," was all Joanna manage to blurt out while pointing at the piano. Vladimir rolled his eyes, really wanting to call Joanna a blond, if he wasn't one himself.

_I'm a sexy blonde,_ Vladimir thought to himself. He smiled, that always cheered him up.

"What's your name girl?"

Joanna propped herself up, trying to look relatively normal. _This is it act sexy!_

"Oh me?" She circles around him sedately, "well all my friends call me Jo."

"Well, Jo, do me a favor," he hands Joanna three obese manila folders, "sort all my music in alphabetical order AND place then according to genre."

Joanna held the folders as if they were holy.

"Americans…" Vladimir chuckled under his breath as he walked away.

Joanna now more love struck than ever, gave out heavy, smitten sigh. She was too busy day dreaming that she didn't notice a short, swift as lightning figure dashing right at her.

"GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR!"

Like a wimpy, steroidless football player, Joanna flew across the spit covered band room floor. After she fumbled and rolled like a run away taco, Joanna landed on her hinny.

"Gee whiz! What are you trying to do? Give me a concussion?" Joanna blurted while trying to catch the tempest of music that aroused.

"I… I… I'm so sorry I guess I don't know my own strength."

Joanna eyed Kinki jokingly. No one could stay more than 5 seconds mad at her. It was relatively impossible. Kinki wasn't your stereotypical kind of person. She was short and skinny, maybe three fourths of Joanna. Yet, she was the toughest one, like a sergeant, it was impossible to fight her, she'd murder you, bring you back to life and murder you again. The worst part was that you'd forgive her.

Second period bell rings.

"Hmm, we're late. It must be something very important. You never skip." Joanna gets up and brushes the hallucinated spit of her plaid jeans, she looks at Kinki rather skeptically, "well, what is it?"

"Oh, Karla wants to hold a meeting," she replies matter-of-factly.

"Now?"

"Yea, c'mon lets stay in the practice room and wait for them." Without waiting for a reply, Kinki grabbed Jo's shirt and dragged her to the mid practice room.

After what it seemed hours, Karla and Stella arrive.

"C'mon let's go get a couple of chairs," Without hesitation, Kinki kicks the practice room door wide open.

"STELLA, GO GET A COUPLE OF CHAIRS." Kinki screams a rather softly, in her kinky way. By now, Joanna is wondering why Mr. Horner or Mr. Carson hadn't come to give them a referral.

"I drugged them," Karla said as if reading Jo's mind.

"Hey, homies mind lending me some skin?" Stella violently kicks the chairs. They fling at Kinki.

"Watch it punk!"

After the girls settled down and the chaos diminished, Karla takes out her famed Barbie cards. They weren't just any ordinary Barbie cards; they were a mixture of different Barbie edition cards Karla found at EBay, all condensed into one deck. The girls all circled the facing chairs, which were formed into a table. Alas, Karla started her card reading.

"Oh I see. Hmm, very interesting." Karla studied the first of the four facedown cards she placed, one beside the other. It was the Barbie 30s Aviator.

"The answer… it lies in the skies." Karla flipped the second card. It was the Ken and Teresa Special Edition card.

"A betrayal of love?" she asked profoundly, mainly to herself. The third card was turned over.

"The Barbie Boardwalk Mansion card…signifying home, or large place."

At last the fourth card, the Barbie Mechanic card.

"The mechanic signifies craziness and murder."

"It's Screwy C! Obviously." Joanna interrupted Karla's thoughts, "Screwy C has to do something with this murder."

"Yea pimps but what about the playa lovers?" Stella holds up the Teresa and Ken card.

"I don't know, but the mansion probably symbolizes Enoob," Karla says, carefully hovering her hand over the cards, "but I think Joanna might be right. There is rumor that Screwy C's done time at the nut house. The only way to know for sure if she has something to do this is to investigate her."

"Let's beat the truth out of her," Kinki added charismatically. The others gave her the you-do-that look.

The second period bell interrupts their thoughts. The girls fumble inside the practice room chaotically. Before they can make a dash out of the band room, something bizarre happens.

"Uh, guys the door is stuck!"

"Check the other door!"

"No! That one's stuck too!"

They hear a loud booming crash from the uniform room. The lights go out.

**End Chapter 3**


	5. Chapter 4

**IMPORTANT**

Karla is no longer Karla. She is now called Kara. Yea well so I didn't like her name so I changed it, got a problem with that? Heh, didn't think so. Ok now back to our program.

**Chapter 4: The Peanut Butter Massacre**

"Oh my God guys! We're going to die!" Stella hopped into Kinki's lap. They looked like Shaggy and Scooby just after they almost wet themselves of fright.

The four of them just stood there, in front of the innermost band room door. Perhaps if they waited a little longer, they thought, everything would go back to just like they were three weeks ago, when Mr. Simon was still alive, when all was as happy as punch.

"Y-ou gu-ys, th-think maybe we should take a look?" Kara stuttered.

The four girls slowly made their way to the uniform room. All was silent and the room was like an immense pit of darkness. Yet the band room was so familiar to them, they could literally walk with their eyes closed.

As they edged closer to the uniform room, a faint aroma caressed their noses. The smell got stronger and stronger as they edged closer and closer. It wasn't an unpleasant smell; on the contrary it was sweet-scented. The girls now were at the edge of the door. Joanna peered inside. Darkness with the overwhelming smell of sweetness. Then, just as mysteriously as they died, the lights flickered on, as if they were just resurrected. After their eyes adjusted to the lights, the girls were startled by Joanna's Psycho scream. Their mouths dropped to their feet as they stared blankly at the disturbed scene that lay in from of them.

There, at the center of the uniform room laid Vladimir, his face covered with peanut butter. In fact, everything was covered with peanut butter; the walls, ceiling, floor, hat boxes. It was like a peanut butter hell.

"Is he…" they moved closer to Vladimir, "… dead?"

At this point, Joanna was crying and making a huge scene.

"They killed him," tears pored from her eyes, "they choked him with the peanut butter and killed him!"

Joanna kneeled down by her beloved, not daring to touch Vladimir, as if she wasn't worthy enough to. She continued:

"We could've lived so happy together! We were so close to being a happy couple!"

_Oh she lost it now,_ the others thought.

"And now they shove peanut butter down his throat. They knew it was hard to swallow! They knew too much would kill him!" Joanna suddenly eyed the almost empty Jiff jar. She picked it up and scooped as much of the remaining paste that was left.

"This is it," Joanna rumbled on, "today I shall part to my beloved. This is my destiny!"

"Joanna stop acting crazy! We gotta find a way out of here and tell the police!" Kara tried pulling Joanna away, but she just shrugged her off.

"No! You don't understand! This is destiny, like Romeo and Juliet! I have to die! That's what they did, because they loved each other!"

"Yo Jo, you're being whack. It don't make no sense. Romeo and Juliet loved one another. You might like him, but I know he's not diggin' you back!" Stella glared at Joanna. She wanted to slap her silly, "besides," she rambled, "you're gonna need a whole lot more peanut butter than that to choke yoself!"

Wrong thing to say…

"Goodbye friends! I'll miss you!"

And with that, Joanna ate the peanut paste from her hand. The others eyed her weirdly. Their expressions would change to horror when they realize the mistake they made of not stopping Joanna from committing the sticky suicide. Little did they know that Joanna was fatally allergic to peanuts.


	6. Chapter 5

Sorry guys it took so long for me to write chapter 5, but you know, IT hit me, hehe. Plus I'm level 50 now and it's all good!

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**Chapter 5- A New Beginning**

The girls looked at each other, and not a hint of anguish crossed their faces. Joanna was dead and they didn't give a fizzle.

"I never liked her," Kinki finally blurted out, "she was too… normal."

The others nodded their heads in agreement. They left the scene as if nothing happened. The police would probably deal with everything later.

The next day presided normally; nothing out of the ordinary except the usual weirdness surrounding the band room. The bodies were gone and no one spoke a word about it. All was peachy, except of course for the fact that people died the day before and no one seemed to know or care.

Then, on that crisp, April morning, the doors suddenly swung open, so fast that the familiar door squeak sounded more like a flute squeak rather than a clarinet squeak (yes, there is a difference.) In came two guys; rugged clean shave, jeans, not hanging under their butts, yet still very pimpish, and a white tee top. They looked identical; both were buff yet not so much as if on steroids. They wore slick shades and both had a pair of drumsticks on their right back pocket. The only difference was their facial structure. The one at the left was dirty blonde and had short hair, while the other had black hair, long enough to almost cover his eyes.

Stella and Kara were so love struck, they didn't notice the girl in the middle of the two guys losing her patience.

"Ahem, are you two in the drumline?" She asked.

"What?" Stella and Kara replied monotonously.

Lari pointed at the drumsticks in their hands.

"Oh yes, yea.. we are," Kara, was now back to reality, "who are you?"

Lari snapped her fingers and Cody handed her what seemed like a folder. Lari shuffled through a few papers and smiled when she located the right one.

"Ah yes, Kara and Stella, freshman and snare drummers age 15." She pointed to the two hot guys behind her, "These guys are Cody and Al. They're snare drummers too and umm…"

"Hey, monkey! Get in here!"

A rather tall fellow walked in, flooded with drum equipment. He was handsome, but not as hot as the other two.

"That's Thornbert, Thor for short, he's quite handy," Lari looked at her watch, "oh lookie here, time does fly when you're high, I must take leave. I have businesses to attend in the bathroom."

"Hey wait! Ummm, what do you play?" Stella asked.

"Sitar…" Lari twirled around in circles as she made her way to the lobby, "the magical sitar!"

The four of them stood there uneasily as they watched Thor disinfect the first two lockers of the locker room with Lysol.

"Ummm… that's our lockers," Cody swooshed his hair out of his eyes, "oh, and I think we might have a meeting after school about you know, important stuff."

They awkwardly said good bye to each other. The girls headed for the bathroom. They wanted to find out more about their male partners, and it seemed Lari knew them well.

As they opened the bathroom door, chaos surrounded them. About twenty girls crowded around the changing area of the bathroom. They could hear raspy noises over all the shouting of "Go! Go! Go!"

"What the fizzle?" Stella grabbed Kara and they tackled their way through the crowd towards the changing area.

"Oh snap! Look out!" Kara screamed, but it was too late. Five or six people, mounted on fast moving chairs, collided with Stella and Kara like a huge domino thingy. Everything went dark for them.


End file.
